Why Fangirl Dreams Should Never Happen
by Reda
Summary: /one shot/ My sister and I get the power to bring our favorite One Piece characters to our world. Warning: CRACK! Yaoi-ish! LuZo/SanZo/ZoSan and ZoroxChopper fluff inside.


**Author Notes: **Had a random crack-fic idea today. Was talking to my sister about a book I was reading and then reminded of one story I am writing over on ficpress. Where I have a power to make my dreams become real and all my characters come into my world and shit hits the fans. But, ANYWAY, my sister was like:

"What if we did that with One Piece characters?"

And I said: "So, I get Zoro and you get Sanji? And then we put them together."

And she said: "And then we'd be fighting about who's on top and who's on bottom."

And a shouting match of - Zoro no Sanji no Zoro no Sanji - began. This fic is the product of that crazy dream.

[Oh, and I am working on "Claimed" - writing from Ace's point of view was getting hard because his mind is just... I dunno...see, I try really hard to think like the character and, well, Ace's mind just makes ME blush]

**Pairing: **ZoSan/SanZo/LuZo / [ZoroxChopper FLUFF]

**Warning: **CRACK FIC! Yaoi! Self-insert characters! Reda (me - the author), Kairi (my sister) Description will probably (most likely) be lacking. Kind of sad ending.

~!~

Why Fangirl Dreams Should Never Happen

~!~

It was a normal day for me. I was done with school, done with homework (well, mostly), and bouncing between reading a story and working on the next chapter of my fanfic.

Then my sister came home.

Hearing the door close, I immediately jumped up and went to talk to her. We were both crazy One Piece fangirls, and I loved talking to her about fanfic ideas and such.

Kairi, my sister, happened to run into the sliding door (see, we have this door that separates the bedrooms from the rest of the house) before I could open it. "Ow!" She exclaimed before squealing about something else.

The door opened. She shoved her phone at me and said, "Hey, Reda-chan look at Sanji! I'm gonna kill him!"

I sighed a little, blinked, picked up the phone and stared at an image of Sanji being all heart-eyed for Nami. Nothing new there. "Okay...so what's going on?"

"Well, see, they just got done beating that one guy that I can't pronounce his name. Whatever. And now they're all meeting up again. And like this happened. And then that happened. And...Oh my god! Freakin Sanji has to be all over Nami."

I swear I could see her visibly twitch. I was trying to pay attention to what she was saying, too - really, I was. But sometimes. It's just... Whatever.

Deciding that I had better interrupt, or she would go on for hours, I held my hands up - gave her phone back to her - and changed the subject rather abruptly. "Kairi! Listen, so, I was writing my fanfic 'cause I really want to finish chapter two today, but anyway, Ace is so hard to write now. He's like horny or something. Well, duh, he's sitting on top of Zoro, I mean, who wouldn't be horny?"

"Me."

Her answer got her a slap on the head. I mean, seriously, how dare she insult my Zoro? "Anyway, you know how I will like look up a lot of scenes or stories or pictures of a character before writing from their point of view in order to get as close to the original as my mind will allow?"

"Well, no, I didn't know you did that, but whatever."

"So I did that for Ace. And then I started trying to write the scene. And... I dunno... everything just got really warm..."

Kairi proceeded to crack up, holding her arm up as if raising her hand for class. "That's because Ace is flaming."

"Haha, yeah." I laughed. Then, taking a deep breath, I stared at my sister, who was back on her phone, reading more One Piece from the internet. Like a pirate.

"Usopp is awesome!" She shouted randomly.

I instantly beamed and started agreeing. "Yeah, I mean, especially when he...ugh, you're not there yet. Read more!"

"I"m working on it!" She snapped, waving the phone in my face.

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed. Kairi went back to reading, walking around in circles around the living room as she did so. I watched her for a few moments before thinking of something else. "Okay, so this is off topic, but I was reading a book today where people had this strange power to make whatever they thought about - or their dreams - or a certain image in their mind, I think. Well, yeah, they could make those images come to life or be real. And I was thinking..."

"What if we could do that with our favorite One Piece characters?" Kairi practically shouted across the room, her eyes gleaming.

I blinked. "Well, that wasn't what I had been thinking, but that's a fucking awesome idea! Like, I would so totally imagine Zoro. And you would..."

Before I could say what Kairi would do, she decided to act out a little scene - as if it really were possible. "I summon thee, Almighty Cook God of the Mugiwara Pirates! With your swirly eyebrow that makes the world go round! Sanji! Appear!"

And...he did...in a poof of smoke and everything.

I stepped back, shocked. Kairi squealed. Sanji... Well, Sanji looked around once, blinked his eyes twice, and then turned into the love-sick cook we all know. "Sweet princess, I have dreamed of you all my life and here you are! Come to me, my sweet!"

Kairi proceeded to squeal again in that really high pitched tone of hers - I think I saw Sanji twitch a little at the unexpected noise - and then she glomped him. Which made him even more confused. He was probably definitely not used to getting such a wonderful response to his twirl-dance, heart-eyes, and love proclamations.

What did I do? I face-palmed. And made a silent wish for Zoro to show up.

"Oi, ero-cook, how old is that girl anyway?"

And...he did...standing _right next to me oh my god._

Turning slightly, I looked up at him, and stared. Just. Stared. My eyes were probably huge as shit. But I couldn't stop staring. I couldn't move. I wanted to glomp, but it was just...

Whoa...

Zoro's in my living room.

"Is that a short person joke?" And trust Kairi to break my shiny glass portrait.

And Zoro just responded with a "keh," and started looking around. "Where the hell am I?"

Before I could answer him, Sanji started stomping over to the swordsman, with Kairi dragging on the floor, refusing to detach herself from his leg. "How dare you make fun of this sweet innocent beauty, shitty marimo!"

Sanji stopped just a few paces from Zoro and a quiet me. And Kairi hopped up, a finger pointing to the ceiling. "You know there's nothing innocent about me, right?"

Taking a breath, and swallowing my anxiety fear, I felt my primal fangirl instincts starting to take over. Reaching over to Zoro, I... proceeded to push him towards Sanji. "Yaoi sex! Go! Now!"

Zoro's w-t-f face gaped at me over his shoulder. "WHAT?"

And Sanji's jaw would have hit the floor if this was actually the anime. "WITH HIM?"

Realizing that I would have to try a different tactic, I snapped myself over to Sanji's side, standing just behind him. I put my hands on his shoulders and whispered in his ear. "Just look at that hot sexy green hair and those rippling muscles. And -oh look he's blushing now! You _know_ you want to dominate him. You know you do. Just go!"

"I am not going to be the dominated one, what the hell?" Zoro snapped.

Just as Kairi pricked up an ear - when she got the foxy ears, I don't know. "Oi, Reda, no, no. This is how this going to work, okay?" She stepped forward, standing between the two guys. First she gestured to the swordsman. "Zoro...is going to dominate..." And she moved her hands to point to the cook. "Sanji. Okay? None of your weird Zoro-uke fanatics in this house!"

Leaving Sanji, I stepped between the two and glared down at my sister. "Fuck yes there will be! Damn it all, if I have a power to make it happen, _it will happen_."

She just stomped on the floor and glared back. "Then why don't you bring in Luffy, huh? That's _your_ favorite seme for Zoro anyway. Leave Sanji to us uke-Sanji fans!"

Zoro decided to step into the argument. "Oi, what the hell does seme and uke mean?"

Before I could respond, Kairi got a strange glint in her eyes. She snapped her fingers and then...

Suddenly we were all sitting on the couch and Kairi was standing in front of us with a giant chalkboard and a pointer stick. Two words were written on the board: SEME and UKE. She pointed to Seme first. "Seme and..." Then she pointed to Uke. "Uke are both terms used by yaoi and yuri fans." The pointer moved back to the first word. "Seme stands for who is on top." And it moved back. "Uke stands for who is on bottom. Like so."

And continuing the demonstration, she flipped the board around and showed two different doujinshi pictures blown up in size. She pointed to one, her ears flapping with her quick movement. "As you can see, in this doujinshi, Sanji is being a sweet cute uke and letting meanie Zoro take control."

Glancing over, I could see Sanji's face turning red as he moved away from his position next to Zoro. Like he was worried about my swordsman doing something naughty. Zoro, on the other hand, was smirking and glancing over at Sanji like he was ready to oblige to such a thing happening. I had my hand raised to slap him down, but Kairi brought our attention back to the board.

"And in this one," Kairi said, pointing at the other doujinshi clip, "Sanji is being a rape-happy seme."

Sanji twitched.

Zoro laughed.

I giggled. "Oi, Kairi, at least show the _who_ Sanji is raping, gosh."

She crossed her arms and looked between me, Zoro, and Sanji, before sighing and shrugging. "Oh fine." Fingers snapped. And the next clip of that particular doujinshi made Zoro twitch and Sanji laugh.

I clasped my hands together and said, "Oh, I do love that face from you Zoro-kun." His eyes turned to me, horror written in his expression. "Though I prefer it when you give that look to Luffy and not to Sanji," I murmured with pouting lips.

Kairi instantly responded to my statement by hopping up to the table - not unlike a position or action that the Mugiwara Captain himself would do. "You know we should totally bring Luffy in here!"

I blinked and stared at her. "Can we?"

Sanji and Zoro interrupted our conversation, both of them swiping at the air with their hands in similiar positions. "Oi, you haven't told us where here is yet." They stopped, realizing they had spoken the exact words together. "Oi, stop that!"

"Oh my god that's so kawaii!" Me and Kairi squealed together.

The two stared back at us, then at each other, then they crossed their arms, and brought their legs up to cross-legged positions, sitting on the couch and showing their backs to each other. "Hmph."

Kairi turned to me, giggling lightly. "Well, we could test it out." She then raised an arm and shouted to the sky. "I summon thee, Awesome Reindeer of Awesomeness! CHOP - PER!"

And...Chopper appeared. But he wasn't standing near her or anything. He appeared in Zoro's lap. He looked around, confused for a moment, and then noticed where he was - or whose lap he was in, more likely.

"Zoro! We were all so worried! We didn't know where you went!" He sniffed, hugging tightly to the white shirt of the swordsman.

Kairi started squealing, falling off the table and rolling around the floor, hugging herself. "Zoro-Chopper fluff! It's so cute! Oh my god!"

If this really was the anime, I _know_ I would have a sweatdrop on the back of my head right now. Sometimes my sister could be such a fanatic fangirl. Good grief. "Oi, Kairi, stop rolling around on the floor. You look ridiculous."

She stuck her tongue out at me, but hopped up anyway. And then she left me with the three One Piece characters, running back to her room. Maybe if this was a cartoon, there would have been a lightbulb above her head, because I got the feeling she just had an idea.

When she came back a few seconds later, Zoro had placed his hand on Chopper's back and was smiling with that soft...sigh... Shaking my head out of the day dreams, I turned back to my sister, only to see that she was _drawing the scene_!

"What do you think you're doing?"

Kairi's head popped out of her current work and her hands shoved forward to indicate the swordsman and reindeer sitting just next to me. "I am not letting such good reference material go to waste!"

I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Want me to hold off on summoning Luffy then?"

She shrugged. Then stopped, as if thinking better of the idea. "Well, yeah, actually, because if you summon Luffy he's probably going to pounce on Zoro and mess up my picture."

I sighed and leaned sideways to hang slightly off the arm of the couch. "I'm bored now."

Kairi practically shouted at me. "How can you be bored with your favorite One Piece character sitting next to you?"

"You took him from me in order to draw something!" I shouted back.

"Well, fine, I'm done. So whatever."

The grin that split my face would probably be called creepy, and might be able to explain the squeak from Chopper and shiver from Zoro and Sanji. "Finally." I thought of Luffy and how much I wanted him to pounce Zoro and do stuff to him...

And Luffy appeared. Like imagined. He popped into existence somewhere above my head and finished flying forward to land on Zoro, throwing poor Chopper off the swordsman's lap in the process. Kairi managed to catch the reindeer and start cuddling with him.

"Wait, where's Sanji?" Kairi asked randomly, looking around.

I hadn't cared to know. I mean, my mind and eyes were completely focused on the fact that Zoro was lying on the couch and Luffy was on top, grinning like he had just won a prize. Yeah, I was totally and completely trapped.

But Luffy was the one to answer the question. "I smell something cooking."

"Yay! Sanji food!" Kairi exclaimed, jumping up, leaving Chopper, and running to the kitchen.

While my sister ran off to squeal and cuddle and otherwise bother the cook about what food he would be making and if she was getting something special because she was a girl, I took out my phone, stared at Luffy and Zoro who still had not moved. In fact, Luffy was pulling at Zoro's shirt collar and Zoro had one hand reaching around to the back of the couch with his other hand on Luffy's back. Oh, and the important part? They were kissing.

So I took out my phone and proceeded to take as many pictures as the memory could hold.

This is when tragedy struck our great fangirl dream.

My brother woke up.

The great Veedran - in his mind at least - stepped out of his room, slammed the sliding door all the way open, took in the scene going on. And appeared to know more about this power than I thought he should have a right to.

With his eyebrows twitching, he raised his hands and pointed at the Luffy and Zoro scene. "No," he muttered. And they disappeared. I screamed. Next he pointed to Chopper. "No," he muttered again. And Chopper disappeared with a wave.

Sanji chose this moment to walk in with plates of food and I noticed that Kairi had a special dish of fruit salad. Veedran glanced at the food, then at Kairi. Shook his head. "Tempting, but..." he raised his hand. "No," and Sanji disappeared, too.

"You ass monkey!" Kairi shouted. She turned around, raised her hands to the sky. "I summon thee, A...I don't remember what I said, CRAP!"

I didn't say anything. Kept my cool. Veedran looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I shrugged. "It happens, I guess. Can't always get everything you want."

He shook his head and left. "No. Fangirls. Allowed. In this house. Okay?"

I crossed my arms. Kairi shouted something - well, a lot of somethings - at him, but I wasn't paying attention. I stood up, went to my room, went back to my computer, and plugged my phone in.

I grinned. I had pictures to show the world of yaoi one piece fangirls. And memories.

The only thing I regret? I missed the chance to cuddle with them.

~!~

_A/N: If you got through all that, lemee know your thoughts. I had fun and my sister had fun. But well, it was definitely a crack fic. And a fangirl dream. _

_Kairi says: If you don't comment, Chopper will cry._


End file.
